The Unthinkable
Where does your mind and heart go when the unthinkable happens? I'll tell you where mine goes... Crocodile offers wisdom to help you move with grace and perspective.
(Crocodile. Watercolor by me, Nona Jordan 2023)
The fear is real.
In 2019, my daughter and I were kayaking down the Kafue River in Zambia - it was a beautiful day, glorious and wild in a way that is unique to the bush in Southern Africa. The river runs high after the rainy season, and the still water mirrors the fluffy clouds. Certainly, we are avoiding the vigilant pods of hippos, but then, out of the corner of my eye, I see it emerge from the river bank seemingly out of nowhere. I watch the crocodile slip off the bank and into the water; I feel my body leaning away and my belly involuntarily clenches. I note how flimsy the blow-up boat is, just how low the kayak sits in the water. The beauty of the river fades into the background - all I can think about is the potential danger of the crocodile that just slid quietly into the water.
Crocodile, your medicine is not welcome but certainly needed.
Let’s be honest - crocodiles are f-ing terrifying. Though I think I’ve made peace with the medicine of crocodile, every time crocodile pops up as the animal with a message for me, I am filled with dread. I want to pull again to get a friendlier animal message. Who wants to come face to face with a crocodile, energetic or otherwise? Crocodiles do the unthinkable - with their fierce jaws and jagged teeth, they drag their prey underwater and engage in their specialty, what’s called a “death roll” that often renders their prey unconscious. If their prey is not small enough for the crocodile to swallow whole (no, they do not use their teeth for polite chewing) they continue spinning their prey near rocks or the bottom of the body of water until the body breaks apart to be swallowed, bit by bit.
Wake-up calls are rarely (if ever) welcome.
The crocodile death roll reminds me of the inevitable wake-up call, the worst-case scenario, that comes knocking on everyone’s door at some point and can (should you choose to accept the challenge) become a spiritual awakening. It’s so hard - being broken apart, bit by bit, and painfully meeting the death of the life we’ve had. I don’t know about you, but this kind of event has happened too many times in my life and the lives of women I know. So if you, too, are on a spiritual path with lots of unexpected hurdles, then befriending (or at least making peace with) crocodile medicine is part of your journey.
Associated with Gate 60 in Human Design and the Gene Keys, the crocodile represents the shadow energy of limitation - be it real or imagined. But it’s important not to stop there with a shrug of your shoulders and an, “Oh well, that’s as far as I can go.” We are not rolling over and accepting our “fate.” Yes, you must surrender to the truth, to what is real - but what is “real” anyway? Do you see that this crocodile has golden teeth? When crocodile medicine arrives, the invitation is to stop the internal spin related to any limiting circumstance, narrative, or setback and face the terrifying force that has put itself in your path. Look at your fear, your stories, and the ways you drag yourself underwater (no matter the circumstances) and find your power.
I love the way this crocodile smiles knowingly.
The golden teeth are a wink and a nod to the magic you will find when you turn toward this terrifying energy and courageously ask, “So what is here for me? How are you here to show me the way to freedom?” That is all that crocodile asks of you.
I was recently diagnosed with M.S., a confusing, unthinkable diagnosis for a healthy human. The crocodile sliding into the water, the doom and despair of chronic illness, and the potential for disability looming large. Nothing has changed since weeks before the MRI or the referral to a neurologist. I wake in the morning, and my body is strong - alive and well. And Mary Oliver’s words have never spoken to me so loudly, “What will you do with your one wild and precious life?”
The ultimate limit is our mortality.
Whether we know it or not, we move through each day on borrowed time. How we turn and face the proverbial diagnosis defines our experience. The expiration date on an able-bodied life is more real for me today than yesterday - a limit that has a new urgency with the diagnosis riding shotgun. The diagnosis, the crocodile of the moment in my life, asks me to consider what is most important: what legacy will I leave? How will I live, love, and enjoy the hell out of the life left for me?
Contemplate crocodile for yourself.
When crocodile slides into the waters of your life, the unexpected has arrived to pull you under, but whether it does or not is your choice. Though it may feel like there is no escape, think again. Stop fighting against the fear, surrender to the reality of what is happening, and breathe. It’s time to get your bearings - not all is lost, though everything has seemingly changed. Get curious about what you think you know. What is awakening in you, in your life? What is possible for you in the face of the unthinkable?
PS: Are you facing a big transition and feeling catalyzed to move your life or business in a new direction? I currently have two openings for coaching clients. Let’s chat and see if you and I are a good fit to craft the life and business legacy you desire.