Primordial Knowing
A lesson from Sea Urchin on distraction, and having the courage to say yes to your deepest, bone-deep wisdom.
Sea Urchin watercolor, Nona Jordan 2023
Tide pools contain primordial magic.
Tide pools were my favorite playground growing up in towns near the Pacific Northwest coastline. Beachcombing is great - walking the cold beaches, shoes off (feet mostly numb from the icy salt water), eyes cast down in serious focus - seeking treasures left behind by the ocean waves. I still have (and cherish) the first intact sand dollar I found as a young girl on an Oregon beach - a rare find. But the real treat is when the tide goes out, and the ocean's ebb reveals the brackish smell and rich biodiversity of the in-between space where earth and ocean collide. Starfish, mussels, crabs, anemones, and sea urchins are revealed, living in teeming, tightly packed tide-pool ecosystems.
Sea Urchin, your medicine is welcome.
Though sea urchins appear to be unmoving, they are quite mobile. They are found in every ocean at every depth. Sightless, they sense the world around them as they move through the rocky edges of the shore (and beyond) on hundreds of tube-like, suckered feet, using the mouth underneath their body to nourish themselves on what they encounter as they move. The gorgeous shell and colorful spikes protect their soft bodies—and the spiky tentacles that extend from the main body are also thought to be part of the urchin’s sensory navigation system.
Sea Urchin is associated with the shadow energy of distraction in Gene Key 56. It is known as the gate of Stimulation in traditional Human Design. My brilliant friend Christie Inge refers to Gate 56 as The Wandering Storyteller - which is all about exploring your world and crafting an empowering story from your experience. But to do that, we must follow the call. We must be willing to listen for and say yes to the deep inner knowing beyond rationality and logic that nudges us to move in a particular direction. However, because of fear, we often push these seemingly irrational decisions away, distracting ourselves from the direction we are truly meant to pursue, the direction that leads us to the epic story we are meant to live.
It’s just so normal to deny our deepest knowing.
Last year, I was experiencing a challenging run of injuring myself that just kept getting worse. Now, I’ll tell you, I have always been someone who has a knack for doing physical pursuits with so much gusto that I injure myself. This is not new for me, but there was more injury than usual last year.
A woman I’ve been following since my days in Rome popped into my inbox (I swear I hadn’t seen her in my inbox for years), offering a therapeutic yoga course for neck injuries. At the time, I thought what was going on with my body was probably neck-related, so I signed up. It didn’t fix the injuries, so I deemed the course a failure. However, I did notice that I was experiencing more fluidity and ease in my movement despite the persistent injuries.
Then, she offered a therapeutic yoga intensive and a certification program.
Maybe you relate to this, too - when I feel an inextricable yes, it’s like I’m being pulled toward something from my solar plexus. I have faithfully followed those pulls, nudges, and bone-deep hell-yes signals my entire life and have the stories to prove it. Following these embodied signals has served me well and infused my life with magic, synchronicity, and many amazing experiences. But I lost faith in that powerful inner yes in the last four to five years.
Some things I had pursued, created, and invested in didn’t turn out how I wanted them to, and I began to doubt this inner compass. Did these experiences deliver lessons, insight, and a lot of delight? Yes, all of them. But not what I had expected or wanted them to deliver, so I called them failures and pulled away. I just… stopped saying yes.
It’s scary to say yes, but it’s painful to say no.
“I don’t need another training,” I was not about to add One More Modality to my medicine basket. After all, was I using everything I’ve learned? If I added one more thing, how was I supposed to talk about what I offer?? I lectured myself sternly while re-reading the invitation emails and testimonials about the program and feeling angry that I would want to take another training while at the same time being internally pulled toward this program and being angry about that, too. But my proverbial sensing system (just like the Sea Urchin) was nudging me toward the shore of this teacher and this training, despite my mind’s many objections, judgments, and fears.
Of course, I couldn’t stay away. I signed up for the training, and six months in, I am so glad I did. Even if it’s just for me, the training puts me in the surprising and happy position to learn to listen to and care for my body in a more masterful way with my recent diagnosis of M.S. Not only is this learning amazing for me, but I am just so in love with what my therapeutic yoga clients are saying about their experience. I am undoubtedly at my best when I listen to those nudges and follow the ebb and flow of my curiosity - even when I don’t have any logical idea why my deepest knowing is moving me toward something.
Trying to be anything other than my instinct-led self takes a ridiculous amount of energy, and it takes me away from aliveness and engagement. It is a distraction (for me) to believe that I could (should) ever stop learning. It is a distraction for me to beat myself with choices that didn’t pan out the way I thought they would - I have way more evidence that, in the end, every choice I’ve made and every experience I’ve had is a vital piece of the beautiful story of my life and my work in the world.
Contemplate Sea Urchin for yourself.
When sea urchin shows up in the tide pools of your life, it’s time to consider closing your eyes are feeling your way forward. Your big, beautiful mind is powerful, but there are moments when you are asked to sense the next right step. This is one of those moments.
So many women I know (I’m raising my hand, too) can struggle to trust their bodies - the vehicle for hearing and tuning into their inner knowing. Of course! We are societally trained out of it for good reason. Your connection to this level of embodied inner knowing is powerful! Let these words be a nudge and a god-wink from your wisest self - even if you are trying to talk yourself out of it or trying not to listen, you know exactly where you are being called to go. It is time to stop denying the deep inner wisdom you are receiving. Please stop distracting yourself with shoulds or beating yourself into submission (much like I was trying to do).
Take a deep breath and place your hands over your solar plexus or heart. Relax your eyes and let your attention drop into the place where you hear and know your most profound truth. It’s time to say yes to the path of your deepest, primordial knowing.
Thank you, Nona. This speaks to me deeply. "...because of fear, we often push these (often) irrational decisions away, distracting ourselves from the direction we are truly meant to pursue, the direction that leads us to the epic story we are meant to live". Exactly. Marinating myself in this thought for a while. XOXO
Dropping into primordial knowing with you on this Neptune Cazimi. Thank you for reminding me that even in stillness there's movement or impulse that can be felt that's as gentle as a "knowing" or intuition. I have been so very in the need to be strong and "protected" while endeavoring to also remain soft and flexible in many ways, as I attempt to find a way forward in my life this year or so. Thank you for sharing the medicine of the sea urchin. It's always a gift to connect with you and what's on your heart, Nona. xo