Moving deeper into reverence
Every aspect of your life is an opportunity to choose to be more alive, more awake. Here's what I'm choosing this coming year...
Twenty one years ago, when I decided to stop drinking alcohol, my heart felt intention was to be the woman I’m here to be through a commitment to being more awake and more alive for all of life - not just the good bits, but all of it. A deeper and more joyful intimacy with life as a human, in a body, on our beautiful planet at this time.
The desire has stayed with me and guided my path, to be sure. It has been an ongoing journey of healing the distractions, addictions, and/or ways that I see a substance, narrative, or experience numbs me, or creates distance between myself and life.
Late last year, I noticed a pattern.
I would buy books or programs without thought, only to put the books, and often the programs, on the proverbial shelf. I wouldn’t read the book or show up for the program. Sometimes I would, but too often, I would not. I didn’t like how that felt. I didn’t like how that behavior made me feel about myself.
Before we go on, if you’ve been here a while, you may know I’m not a fan of budgeting (let’s track our money to be mindful and intentional instead), and I’m not particularly frugal. I unapologetically like nice things. However, one of my values is to be a woman who does not overconsume. I want what I spend my money on to be intentionally choiceful and to enhance my life, not get thrown away or forgotten.
What could be possible if…
This is a question I ask myself frequently. What could be possible if I stopped eating sugar? Or, stopped snacking? Or committed to strength training three times per week? What if I were to stop buying books and learning programs for a period of time?
I hope you hear in the way that this question is asked, that there is no judgement. Only curiosity, self-compassion, and excitement for the possibilities that I can’t even imagine… yet.
Choosing addition or subtraction.
In a world that is deeply wounded around scarcity and enoughness, it can be extremely activating to declare and create limits for yourself. I have personally railed against limits or even HINTS of limits. But, after years of practicing with kind and compassionate care through crafting strong containers for myself, I now experience limits as a gift of incredible love that enhances my growth and blossoming.
There have been moments that I’ve added things. Learning to surf, strength training, daily meditation, actively seeking connection and support. There are times when I’ve set loving limits: no more alcohol, no more using credit cards, no more snacking, no more sugar or flour, and now, no more book or program purchases (for the year).
Peeling away layers of distraction.
When I notice that a behavior or a narrative is done mindlessly, I often try to ignore it but ultimately I know it is an opportunity. I know that it is an invitation to get closer to myself and to life - to peel away another layer of distraction and continue to make good on that long-ago intention. Believe me, I’ve added, and subtracted, enough things from my life over to be curious and excited about what I will learn and who I will become on the heels of such a decision.
So if you find yourself wanting to challenge old behaviors and create loving, consistent limits for yourself, here is my approach.
Intentional guidelines.
Take a deep breath. You are in charge of this, so you get to choose. I say, make your guidelines challenging but not punishing.
This year, my guidelines are:
No book purchases
I have (way too) many books that I haven’t read and I have signed up for a library card, which was very exciting! Before living overseas and moving so frequently, I loved being a library patron, so I am looking forward to utilizing that resource as well as reading a lot of the books I purchased (but haven’t read) or donating them.
No new learning programs, and only one experiential learning program at one time
I love to learn. Learning is one of my top values, however, this year I decided I do not need to take one more learning program. I have given myself the gift of one experiential learning program at a time (I often am taking more than one at a time and so I am not able to really integrate the learning). Just in the first few weeks of the year, I’ve seen at least (not joking) seven programs that I dearly wanted to sign up for, but did not. It really highlighted for me how much I will learn from this guideline.
Doing my own home care
I’ve lived in a lot of places where we’ve had full time house staff. However, having someone clean your house as quickly as they possibly can twice a month is not that. I found myself cleaning after the cleaners were here. In addition, I couldn’t get anything done with my work while they were here, so I decided to dedicate 3 hours of my week, each week to doing the home care I’ve had cleaners doing.
Seek, and receive, support.
I have shared my intentions with my family and a group of friends - a few of whom are joining me with their own guidelines.
Share your guidelines, and your deeper why.
I’ve shared my guidelines and also that each of these intentional choices aligns with my desire to act with reverence toward life and my resources. To move closer to life and aliveness by letting go of behaviors that create distance and distraction. Namely, this year, I am focused on stewarding money with greater wisdom and integrity, to care for and appreciate my space and the things that are in my space, and to allow time for the integration of learning when I say yes to a program. I am curious, and excited, what I will learn in the process - especially as I share with others.
Set a consistent schedule for yourself to check in.
When I want to buy a book or a program, I use my journal time the following morning to take notes - what was going on that I wanted to buy a book or program? How did I feel in the moment of saying no? Are there parts of me that need my attention after that?
I’ve also committed to share what I’ve learned with the people who have joined me, or expressed their interest, in this venture.
Expect success, plan for failure.
I want you to plan for your success - envision it, create a plan for it, get support for it - all the things. And, a way to ensure your success is to consider what might derail you. Not just what might derail you but to then plan for how to navigate that challenge successfully.
I want you to go learn about the incredible research-based method: WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan). I literally do at least one (often more) of these every day during my journaling and meditation time. The longest standing WOOP I have is the daily WOOP for my food addictions: flour and sugar.
Wish: to have a day of eating what I planned, no snacks, no flour or sugar.
Outcome: clear-thinking, proud of myself, confident, feel good physically and over the long term, growing brain health and improved health and wellbeing.
Obstacle: «this is different day to day» back to back clients, classes to teach, and errands to run.
Plan: pre-pack your lunch, should you feel a craving or urge to eat to soothe yourself: pause and breathe, attend to the present moment sensations, feelings, and experiences, ask: what is the next right action? I will often call someone, change the scenery if possible, etc.
Moving deeper into reverence.
Every choice is an opportunity to be more of the woman you want to be - to move more deeply into reverence for yourself and for life. When you get quiet and listen to your most honest inner voice, are there things it would be beneficial to release or to add? Are there ways of being that you want to embody that would make you feel more like the woman you know you are meant to be?
I would love to hear what comes up for you, and what you might choose.