Loving life as it is

The innocent medicine of puffin asks us to fling the doors of our hearts open wide and say yes. Put fear in the backseat and let innocence drive you into the uncertain future. Ready?

Puffin, Watercolor and Ink by Nona Jordan, 2024

Puffins are funny little sea birds that look a bit like contemplative clowns. They nest and breed in large colonies on cliffs but spend most of their time at sea. However, human development is disrupting their natural patterns.

The Puffling

I recently watched a poignant short film about baby puffins and their plight. When baby Puffins fledge, they follow the adult puffins to sea, and they do so by following the moon's light. (Magical, am I right?) However, the puffins in this colony nest near a remote village in Iceland. With growing industrialization, the baby puffins (called pufflings) lose their way, confusing the lights of the town with the moon. The lights lead the pufflings into town instead of out to the ocean, where the adult puffins wait for them. Every year, the town's young people spend their nights collecting young pufflings and releasing them back into the wild. 

Innocence rescuing innocence in the face of uncertainty. Love nourishing hope.  

Puffin, your medicine is welcome here. 

It is an act of bravery to follow our hearts. I didn’t know how much I still held myself away from parts of my heart’s path - braced for the worst. Right now, I am acutely aware of the places I want to protect myself. Is it the summer heat or the tenderness of watching my daughter take flight that brings my attention to these old patterns in myself?

I remember when Clara was small, and she would be running with such joy!  Once, running down our street in Rome, she had a truly epic fall and scraped up her knees and hands quite badly. She cried and wailed, “I never want to do that again.” I just held her a little tighter at that moment. In so many ways, I get it. The fall, the pain, the declaration of protection that makes us too careful — makes our life too small. Letting fear drive is no way to live.  

Yes, life will absolutely break your heart. 

Opening your heart, being in love with anything - your people, your animals, a place, a calling, your friends, an activity - anything and everything will break your heart because everything changes and comes to an end. 

Without a doubt, the worst will come to pass at some point. There will be disappointment, things won’t work out, beloved people will leave, bodies will continue to age and get ill, and projects will fail. It’s virtually guaranteed, but probably not today.

Innocence tells me it’s all worth it. 

Even knowing that falls and failure are imminent, in my heart of hearts, I want to give it all—to trust the world with my love and joy. I would like to be a woman who flings the doors of her heart open wide and says yes as I put fear in the backseat and let innocence drive me into the uncertain future.  

I know that the very best things in my life have come from my heart-felt, full-bodied yesses. After Clara was born, she was asleep beside me, and Erick was on her other side. Erick was home from his deployment at the perfect time, and I, jacked up on post-birth adrenaline, watched them both sleep, their arms flung over their heads in the exact same position. 

It took my breath away. 

I grew up waiting for the worst to happen, and it often did. The other shoe dropped so often that I grew wary. Despite my fear, I said yes to love the moment I watched Erick and Clara sleeping. I knew I would never be the same. While I watched them sleep, I remember thinking I would have to let them both go someday, but not that day — when Erick had gone through hell and high water to be home from deployment for a three-day window with the hope that Clara would arrive. And certainly, I would not have to let Clara go on the day that she was fresh and new. 

At that moment, with fear and love (and adrenaline) coursing through me, I knew full well that saying yes would be wonderful and hard and probably break my heart repeatedly. But that is what innocence does. Innocence says yes to life, love, and hope because innocence believes in life and follows the path of the heart home, no matter what the outcome. 

And that’s just what happens. 

We know we will lose everything that matters. We also know that failure is inevitable, but then again, so is success and triumph. Everything is going to happen. We can close the door in fear and cynicism and try like hell to guard against life, but innocence asks us to take a chance and do the thing we fear. Only by opening the door of our hearts can we get the incredible experience of being in love with the world and our lives, no matter how flawed and fated it all is. 

Contemplate puffin for yourself.

If puffin has shown up in your ecosystem, you are invited to consider where you have missed your turn. Are you lost in the streets of cynicism and fear? Puffin asks you to be brave and to follow your heart. Innocence asks you to lean in and love. Stop questioning, fretting, and wondering, "What if?” It’s time to put down the fear of failure or waiting for someone else to validate your dreams. This is your sign and your nudge. It’s time to take that step, or at least whisper the truth to yourself. Say yes. Love what you love. Trust yourself. Would you rather your heart be broken from the regret of holding back or loving what you love with abandon? No matter what, your heart will break, so innocence encourages you to choose the dreams that help you fall in love with your life, no matter the cost.