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It's time to stop waiting
A nudge and a reminder that you get to say no, and you absolutely get to use the space you create for what you truly want (not more obligation and busyness).
Beloved you. Today’s writing is (mostly) from my book, Surf Lessons. It’s no mistake that I wrote this book because I come back to learn the lessons repeatedly. This lesson felt timely for me today, so I thought it might land for you, too. Let me know in the comments.
True Story (Hawaii, 2014)
I sit in front of my computer, feeling like I can’t move. Going numb. Wanting to access more fluid energy, new ideas, and more courage to be who I am meant to be, but I convince myself I cannot play until everything else is done. I have the familiar knot in the pit of my stomach, the knot of obligation, “should” and “have-to.” The reality of a schedule I created that is too busy with no time for what I desire.
“Everything” will never be done. The conditions can never be met. I will never feel like I can have what I really want.
The myth of “when everything is done…” is just a lie.
Though I catch it sooner and it happens with less frequency, it still happens to me, and I hear similar stories from clients far too often.
Let’s face it. Even if we endeavor to find and stay connected to our joy and sense of abundance, we are waging a fierce revolution against societal norms. Everything about our culture wants us to stay slightly (or very) numb. To keep working endlessly, to keep consuming, to remain tied to our obligations, to continue believing that we must have this thing and the next thing and that we can finance it for zero percent down.
However, in my experience, this entire mindset kills your creative energy. You aren’t going to do your most brilliant work in this energy. You will likely feel you aren’t enough because, on some level, you aren’t. That feeling of not enough is your wisest self begging you to connect to yourself, your joy, and your Source of abundance. And that requires space, sister. Boundaries.
Your sacred no is a sacred YES to you.
On that fateful day, I “got it,” and committed to prioritizing joy and pleasure in life, dammit. I didn’t know what I would find; I just leaped. I committed. I reached out to a friend, asked her if she wanted to learn to surf, and then I wrote this poem (term used loosely, thank you) reflecting my intention:
Today, I am going to stop waiting for my husband to retire, for my thighs to be thinner, for my bank account to be thicker, and for sure, I’m going to stop waiting for my business to be more robust.
Today, (and please, dear Goddess, every day)
I want to devour my life. Eat it whole.
Let the juice dribble down my chin.
Allow me the luxury of the sticky mess.
Play even harder.
Share all of myself.
Follow the inspiration in my work.
Delight in the mundane.
Change my mind when I please.
Nap in the hammock every day.
Dance under the light of the moon.
Interpret the symbols that are all around me.
Walk with my luminous angels and my beautiful demons.
Embrace that every moment is sacred, sacred, sacred.
The list? It goes on.
If you were to stop waiting and make space for You, what would you do?
It isn’t frivolous to prioritize your pleasure.
In this day and age of possibility and promise, to be the person you are, what is most needed are your creative energy, your light, and your clarity.
We find those precious resources NOT deep in obligation or busy work, but by finding our source, our connection, in daily play and daily practices that feed our energy. To create space to prioritize yourself, you must use the sacred no - your boundaries - for yourself — for what you truly desire.
Goddess forbid you be perceived as selfish (you aren’t).
We live in a society that encourages women to prioritize others’ needs and desires above our own. Inherent in that is that it’s selfish to do otherwise. However, I invite you to challenge this assumption and cultural norm. Not only do I want you to challenge this norm, but I want to invite you to do what lights you up, what you love, before spending your energy or time or resources anywhere else.
There is no better use for your sacred no.
I mean, seriously, try it. Ask yourself what carrot you hold out for yourself. What have you wanted to do but you haven’t made time for? What makes you feel delicious that you’ve put on hold? Prioritize them. Do whatever it is first every day and take notes - what do you notice about your energy, your creativity, your sense of aliveness?
When you make space for these activities, prioritizing what lights you up, you are giving yourself the important message that you are enough now. You are abundant now. The truth is when you put yourself last and say yes to everyone and everything else first, you embody scarcity — there isn’t enough of me for what I really want.
And you deserve so much more.
So tell me everything - what will you 1. say no to, so you can 2. prioritize your pleasure, aliveness, and sense of enoughness?
My intention is to cultivate connection and community with you, so I am delighted you are here! If you want more insight, resources, and connection you are invited to join me as part of the inner circle community of paid subscribers. Tomorrow, I will share one of my non-negotiable daily pleasures (with a mini practice).