Hello beautiful you - as I’ve been preparing a new course for you, Open to Receive, I have been reflecting on the power of practices to buoy us through great turmoil and personal change. You can read the story below, or, if you prefer to listen, you can do that right here. I’d love to hear what strikes a chord for you in the comments.
It’s Spring in the year 2008
The previous evening, returning from another diplomatic event, I crumpled on the floor in my cocktail dress (again), crying. My husband, exasperated by my persistent discontent, had told me I was free to leave. He wasn’t angry, just sad and baffled by my anxiety and overwhelm. He didn’t understand why I couldn’t enjoy what most people dream of experiencing. After all, here we were, living in Rome, Italy as a diplomatic family. He wanted me to be happy.
I longed to embrace the experience and enjoy our new life, too.
More than a year prior to this particular morning, I had encouraged my husband Erick to pursue his dream of becoming a military diplomat. At the time, I didn’t know what it would mean for our family or life.
Leaving Colorado and attending training in Washington, D.C., had been eye-opening, to say the least. During spouse’s training (think: napkin folding, yes, really), language school, and courses to help spouses support the diplomatic partner, self-doubt and fear gripped me and had not eased when we arrived in Italy; they only amplified.
I faced a difficult choice.
Now, sitting in the quiet sanctuary of our Italian flat, lost in the labyrinth of my spinning thoughts, I faced a choice - would I go home, tail between my legs, or could I find a way to navigate the anxiety and fear to embrace this incredible opportunity?
Looking around our bedroom, my eyes landed on my yoga mat. Seeing my well-loved mat rolled up, propped in the corner of the room, my mind stilled, and the anxiety churning in my stomach eased the tiniest bit. I could do this — I would do this. Yoga and meditation had carried me through difficult times in the past. My spiritual practice would see me through this, as well.
Could I find my footing?
I grabbed my meditation cushion, lit a candle, and rolled out my mat that morning, determined to say yes, committed to finding my footing in this new life. As I stood at the top of my yoga mat in mountain pose, eyes closed, tears quietly streamed down my cheeks. My heart beat wildly, and my stomach churned. Yet, in that moment, I found myself breathing into the fear. Bringing my hands to my heart, I dedicated my practice to my family - to our new life in Rome.
I stepped onto my mat to choose peace.
In Savasana at the end of that practice, my husband and my small daughter burst into the apartment, excited about a new park they had found near our apartment. Would I like to go out and see it? Perhaps get some lunch and gelato? I picked up my daughter and held her close, grabbed my husband's hand, and said yes.